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In This Episode…

How we get into toxic relationships (10:00)

A fail-proof method to determine whether your relationships are toxic (11:26) - you can't breathe
Setting boundaries in relationships (14:48)
How chronic loneliness affects your mortality (16:44)
The 8 Dimensions of Wellness and how to apply them (24:22)
Why you should be more picky with relationships and friendships (27:00)
Success is ... (33:16)
Closing advice (36:17)

Key Points

Cognitive discrepancy is a term that describes the stress that people feel when they think about their lives and find that it’s dramatically different from what they had expected. It’s what happens when there’s a difference between what you think your life should look like and what it really is.

We often create toxicity in our relationships because we attract, accept, and tolerate behavior from people that is not up to par, because we ourselves are not up to par. And when when we are not happy with who we are, we also have a high tolerance for who we're with.

In toxic relationships, it is expected that you are always emotionally available to fill the other person's need, even if it's inconvenient for you or causes other issues for you.

Loneliness is different from solitude. The emptiness you feel comes from a lack of connection. You are cut off from yourself and don't know yourself or like yourself. You're fragmented.

Being introverted or extroverted doesn't automatically mean you will be more or less lonely, respectively.

If you're uncomfortable with your own company, there's no way of getting around it. No amount of drug, sex, alcohol, shopping can overcome your issue.

Decreasing social isolation by strengthening your connections. You have to be willing to be honest and vulnerable, and choose to spend time with people who contribute to your personal growth and well-being. You have to be picky!

We are a communal society and we benefit from depending on one another for survival, sustenance and support.

Deep and intimate relationships take a lot of time and effort to build, and it's not worth it if they drain you.

You deserve all of your resources. You don't have to earn them. You don't have to justify it. And all of your internal and external resources should be available to you at all times. You have permission to look out for yourself.

It's ok to not have it all together, but to love yourself as you work through things on your journey.

What You Can Do

Embrace solitude by pairing it with self-care, so you can become whole, happy, healthy and healed.

Love yourself enough to handle toxic people with self-care and firm boundaries, unapologetically.

Apply the 8 Dimensions of Wellness:

Emotional
Financial
Social
Spiritual
Occupational
Physical
Intellectual
Environmental

Be honest with people who drain you or don't "gel" with you, and ask for what you need from them. If you can't ask them, why are you spending time talking to them or hanging around with them? 31:30-31:48