The Naked Truth About Men and Romance with Dr. Kathryn Foster
In This Episode…
How evolution affects the differences between men and women
How childhood experiences shape our expectations of romance as adults
Why dating and romance can be so frustrating, and how to achieve more satisfying relationships
Ways to Listen to this Episode:
Romantic relationships between men and women are challenging because we process things differently in terms of our language (communication), and our hormones (biology).
Girls and boys are also socialized very differently.
When girls get together, their dialogue is rich, and they disclose information about themselves more freely. Boys often gather together for the purpose of group activities such as sports or other competitive activities, and conversation is minimized. Personal revelations are discouraged, unlike with girls.
Fast forward and as women, they expect men to give what they give, which is emotional closeness through dialogue. But that doesn’t happen. Men are more likely to want and give emotional closeness through sex.
When women get together, they can share negative emotions with each other and empathize. But if a woman shares negative emotions with a man, he immediately begins to think about how he can fix the problem—not listening and empathizing. He just wants the bottom line of what you’re saying (that is, what you want him to do)—not all the details.
Hormones play a huge factor—oxytocin in women and testosterone in men.
What You Can Do
Men process emotions very differently from women. So women who want to communicate with men more effectively must learn to work out their feelings and decide what behavior or action they want from the man they’re talking to, and make sure that comes across clearly. Women can dissect all their emotional feelings with other women, who all share a great level of oxytocin in the brain—but will have men lost and/or detached.
Connect with My Guest
Dr. Kathryn Foster, Romance Psychologist and Author
Links and Resources
Dr. Foster's featured book: