Maybe Baby Part 2: What to Do When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned
• How to respond to questions about your family planning/number of children • How to cope and grieve when you’ve lost your child (insensitive comments, if you still look pregnant, etc.) • How to manage others’ expectations—and your own
In this episode, I interview Justine Froelker, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator, and author of Ever Upward as she talks about her journey with childful living.
Ways to Listen to this Episode:
- Use the player to listen/download the episode from this page (see Links and Resources below)
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We will not get empathy or understanding from others who ask about our childlessness unless we speak our truth and educate people. Don’t shy away from the question, “Do you have kids?” Be able to answer honestly and authentically, without shame or embarrassment.
Suggesting that someone adopts a child is insensitive. Sadness makes people uncomfortable, and sometimes they jump to sympathy instead of vulnerability. They want to fix the problem, e.g., “You should adopt,” instead of honoring where that person is in their life and their choices. The quick fix feels like it invalidates their losses and their journey. It also minimizes the difficulties of the adoption journey by making it sound easy.
When you feel sorry for someone, you just make them feel more alone than they already feel.
People don’t like to feel vulnerable, because it makes us uncomfortable… but when we’re uncomfortable, that’s when we’re learning and growing the most. - Justine Brooks Froelker
What You Can Do
Check intentions and expectations when you ask someone about their plans to make a family. Making a family is not easy. When you ask the question, are you just curious, or do you really care about THEM?
Make room for the light. Realize that there is no set timeline for your dreams.
There is no particular way that grief should look—your grief may not look like anyone else’s.
Give yourself permission to grieve. Choose your perspective. Don’t keep a victim mentality.
We choose whether or not we change our lives. We choose how we respond to what happens to us. We can choose forgiveness, and we can choose to move forward and rise ever upward.
Ask yourself: “How can I choose to be better than okay?” You can write. You can work out. You can seek help. We are wired for connection. You cannot overcome a loss by yourself.
Connect With My Guest
Links and Resources
(Note: This section contains affiliate links. Using these links helps offset costs incurred to produce this show. Thank you for supporting Kickin’ It with Daree!)
Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Define Your Own Happy Ending by Justine Brooks Froelker
Resident Mom Shares: Costs of IVF by Alaina Burran
What to Do When Your Life Doesn’t Go as Planned by Stephanie Poe
Marriage. Kids. They're Not for Everybody. Really. by Eleanore S. Wells