Joy from Fear with Dr. Carla Marie Manly

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In This Episode…

  • Aging joyfully and ageism (8:29)

  • The loneliness epidemic (12:46)

  • How introvert/extrovert personalities impact levels of loneliness (19:16)

  • Communication tips to conquer destructive fear and turn it into constructive fear (26:55)

  • Success is... (33:27)

  • Closing advice

Key Points

Ageism shows up well before age 50, and society tells us that we as women must look a certain way, and that once we get to a certain age, we are no longer desirable or important. Dr. Manly's book Aging Joyfully addresses the changes that we go through in our lives (sexually, physically, emotionally) after age 50, and how to manage those thoughts and changes constructively. It's good to be prepared, because when we're prepared, we're not fearful.

Cyberspace is not real; we imagine others are living a better life and we compare our reality to their onscreen images.

You can be alone and not feel lonely.

If you feel a longing after being with people, and crave more connection: If you are feeling lonely after engaging in activities, or social media, and when it ends you wonder "What's next, I'm not feeling well, I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling depressed," that's a sign that that connection wasn't enough for you. Some people just get overwhelmed by social media, and many clients tell me that after they've taken a break from social media, they'll say, "I feel so much better, I feel lighter, I feel less stressed, I feel less lonely." It's all really about learning about your own rhythm, and if you have a balanced relationship with technology, you might be fine with using social media for 15 minutes a day, but for other people, they can handle a little more.

One of the upsides of introversion is that introverts tend to be pretty self-sufficient. When it comes to a need for stimulation, they are and can be, in many ways, their own best companions, but not to the extreme, where you don't need relationships. Introverts can be really happy with downtime, quiet time, with one or two friends, or even one friend may really feel like they're at their best. They tend to be more peaceful and solid when they have their needs met in that sort of quiet space.

The upside of being an extrovert is that our culture prizes extroverts. Our culture often makes introverts feel badly for not being extroverts. They just love being out there, pumping everyone up, running the show, and that's a beautiful thing. But we don't all need to be extroverts, and we don't want to be extroverts. Everybody would be vying for attention and that would be too much, so we need in our culture to honor both and really respect that introverts have their own needs, just like extroverts.


What You Can Do

The other side of destructive fear is the constructive part. You must change your language. For example, having a confrontation becomes speaking my truth. Changing your language will empower you, but you must practice until it becomes second nature. The communication with yourself creates freedom.

If we continue to work on ourselves with kindness, compassion and honesty, it strengthens our self-esteem.

All experiences - Just be!

Connect

Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D, Clinical Psychologist, Author

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Joy from Fear
By Carla Marie Manly PhD